May 282011

Today I went and splurged. I can’t really afford it, but I sooo needed it for my own mental health. I started a new job and keep gaining weight (read allergy swelling and allergy induced type 2 diabetic issues) which I need to get under-control but haven’t been able to.

In the meantime, I’ve been wearing what I have left of the “fat clothes” from a few years ago when I was this size (prior to my food allergy discovery). These clothes, while they fit, are outdated and make me feel frumpy and ugly.

It’s one thing to walk around with allergy-induced cankles, it’s quite another to do it in clothes that just add to the feeling of ugly.

I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I went shopping.

I was supposed to go out with a friend tonight so I also wanted to get something presentable and “sexy-ish” for going out.

What I’d forgotten was just how bad shopping could make me feel.

I entered the store and went to town on their clearance section looking for anything remotely fashionable and wouldn’t go out of style too quickly.

I ended up with about 4 arm loads of clothes to try on, and I head to the dressing room.

It’s a trying on clothes fiesta!  Clothes are flying on and off me as I look for something fantastic to buy.

About an hour or so into it, I start choking as if I swallowed wrong, and at first I think I must have just swallowed wrong.  But then I cough again, and my lungs this time feel dry and I cough a bit more, and still feel like I’m choking.


I’d forgotten about the clothes being full of corn starch, and when clothes are flying around the room of course it gets in the air and down my windpipe.

I pull out my benadryl and take two.

I end up finding a few things: two fancy tshirts, a blouse, a pair of jeans, and a dress that looks awesome all for $75.

Unfortunately, by the time I got home I was so tired I didn’t go out tonight. My skin feels so dry it might crack open. My cankles are back full force. I got “sick” in the bathroom, and I’m starving but absolutely no energy to do anything about it. I swear all my joints hurt.

My fancy new clothes are just sitting here waiting for me to wear them, and I really really want to… But I’d rather lay in bed and go to sleep.

I really love/hate shopping.


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